I don’t know why it is, but every time I try to talk to anyone in my boyfriends family, I get really nervous; like I’m being put on trial. Like the way they’ve acted towards me and how they stare- it just gives off a “you don’t belong here” kind of vibe. Which is even weirder, because my boyfriend and I are best friends, we’re hopelessly in love, I couldn’t be happier. And he tells me all the time that his family doesn’t have a problem with me, but I still feel like, even after a year, they aren’t comfortable with me.
I dunno; maybe it’s just my anxiety of be social, maybe I’m just not comfortable enough with his family to be myself. I dunno. but it’s ridiculously frustrating. :(
I want to scream and yell and cry. and I want to ball my emotions up and throw them at you, so you get hit with it all just as hard as I do. and I want you to realize how you make me feel. I love you more than anything in this god damn universe and you’ve changed into someone I don’t understand anymore. Someone that I can’t really talk to like I use to. What’s happened to you?
So I was originally going to get a dark red bow on my lower fore-arm with my mother. But she decided last minute that she didn’t like that idea. BUT, we are getting cherry blossoms in the same area, which was my alternative. So not too much of a let down. I’m gonna be getting it done at the same place my boyfriend got both of his, and they’re amazing at it all and they’re so nice and comfortable to talk to.
AND of the guys is gonna guide me in the direction I should go to become a tattoo artist; EXCITING. The guy was so nice, and his work is fantastic!
I’m so excited guys!
I’m not really sure why you did it; I mean I know you weren’t living the best of lives, but you had some pretty good friends that would do anything for you. And I loved you. more than anything. And I wish you would’ve let me in a little more, and maybe you’d still be alive right now. Maybe you’d even be happy. But I wasn’t in your head the moment you took your life. I couldn’t stop you. And now that I think about it, I don’t think anyone could’ve. you’ve always been too stubborn to change your mind. But I guess you’re in that heaven you always described. I hope you’re at ease now, and I’ll always miss you and what we were and what we could’ve been. And I’ll miss rescuing you to go walking through the woods. and I’ll miss your voice. and your smile. but I always have my memory. hopefully that doesn’t go away too.
I love you.
Rest easy Jazzy.